Julie Jung and her husband experienced a miscarriage in May 2020. We are so thankful to her for telling her story. Her strength is contagious, and our hearts go out to her. Julie, know that you are not alone.
Describe yourself in 3-5 words.
Courageous, optimistic, forgiving, spontaneous, and kind
What part of this journey are you in currently?
My husband and I found out we were pregnant in January of this year (2020). All was well until I went in for my 16-week anatomy scan. That is when the rug was pulled out from under us. The doctor informed us that there were some very serious complications with the baby. In a matter of days, we lost the baby. I was 17 weeks when I was induced and delivered our baby boy, Gabriel. He was not alive when he was born. Nonetheless, we so cherish the time we had with him and the opportunity we had to hold him and admire his darling face. Currently, I am waiting until September until we start trying again for a baby. I developed a blood clot after delivering Gabriel and was put on blood thinners for three months. Because of the medication, we are not allowed to try conceiving at the moment. That has been frustrating, but also good. I’ve needed a break to grieve the loss of our boy and prepare my heart to try again.
What moment sticks in your mind most from your journey?
I think one of the most powerful moments in this journey happened right after we lost our boy. I was sitting with my husband, and we were both crying and in so much pain. In that moment, we decided that we most definitely had to try again. And from that moment until now, we have been preparing ourselves mentally and physically for the next pregnancy. After the loss of Gabriel, we both knew that having a baby on earth is, in fact, something we both desire greatly.
What is your current state of mind?
Lately, I am focusing a lot on gratitude for what I currently have and hope for the future. Since experiencing the loss of our baby, it has been very easy for me to find myself sliding into the darkness of fear, anxiety and hopelessness. Holding onto that state of mind does nothing positive for my life. As a result, I am learning how to change my perspective, look at all the gifts I do have in my life, and choosing to hold onto hope for the things that are coming my way. It’s not always easy to choose gratitude and hope, but those are really the only tools I’ve found that get me through the dark moments.
Who or what has helped you the most on your journey?
My faith in God has been the most powerful thing to sustain me in this journey. The whole experience has really exposed my humanity and my inability to control anything, especially when it comes to pregnancy and growing a human inside my belly. Without having something outside of myself to cling to when things have felt completely out of my control, I’m not sure what my mental state would be at the moment. God has been the grounding for my feet and the safety for my heart. Without Him, I don’t know that I would have the courage to try again. My husband has also been such a safe place for me in this process. He is a champion and deserves an award for walking with me through this wild process. The hormones are no joke!
What would you say to others who find themselves in a journey similar to yours?
Gosh, that’s a hard question. Our journeys are so unique and personal. I would probably hug them more than I would speak. But I guess if I did say something, it might be “You are not alone in your pain. The loss is great, and the pain runs deep, but you are not alone."
What has the journey taught you, and what keeps you going?
I have learned so much on this journey, and I am learning new things every day. I have learned that I am strong, and I am a fighter. I don’t think I knew I had that kind of mama strength inside of me. Mama strength is a special thing. It fights, and it doesn’t stop.
The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of what is to come. Just because loss is a part of our past story doesn’t mean that loss will be a part of our future story. The things in life that have the biggest reward often have equal risk attached to it. I do know one thing. For us, the risk is definitely worth it. We are not done fighting for what we want.
Our journeys may be difficult, but we don't have to go at it alone. Having an additional outlet to communicate with others who can relate, share stories and wellness tips can make all the difference on this adventure. Read more stories from the Journey Series below.
If you are looking for support or have questions about your own journey, please join Premama's Journey to Motherhood community, a place where women can talk, lift each other up and learn useful wellness, health, nutrition and self-care tips.
If you have a story to share, reach out via email or our website chat. By sharing our journeys, we become stronger together. Follow along with the The Journey Series on Premama's Instagram and Pinterest.
Read more stories from the Journey Series below.